I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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