you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
