Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
