My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
