nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
