Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
