I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
