My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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