Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just googled if crying burns calories
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
