i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
