do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
