Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
