cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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