you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just cropdusted the office
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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