I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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