im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
