Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
