The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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