This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
