My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
