Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
