fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
