Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
