After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
