for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
