You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
