I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
