i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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