I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
