You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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