playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
