He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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