Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
