Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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