she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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