Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
