I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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