In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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