i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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