She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
