My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
