No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
