i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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