made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
