so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
