She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize