Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
