Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
