1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
