y did u give ur computer a hand job?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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