never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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