Cold hands, warm shart.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
