I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I would fuck him just for his dog
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
