I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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