so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
