Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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