someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
