awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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