so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
