May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
