I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
