I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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