i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
