I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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