Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
zippers are such a cool invention
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize