dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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