he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize