I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Text me some of your sweat
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
