Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
