Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
