ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
